When it comes to relationships and music, they are often intrinsically connected. Some people remember the song that was playing when they first met, their first dance, first made love, or maybe just that song that’s theirs, for whatever reason it may be.
This could be for many reasons of course, but I’m guessing at its core, music is something that speaks to everyone, so it makes sense that if a couple can get a song that speaks not only to both of them as individuals, but also as a couple, then that’s a special thing.
I for one had two songs that were special to me and my first serious girlfriend, who I was with for 5 ½ years between the ages of 19 and 25, and those were Patience by Guns N Roses, and Not Given Lightly by the New Zealand musician Chris Knox. Now, these songs I both loved well before we were ever together, and still love them now for those same reasons, but during that relationship they had a deeper impact and meaning.
My second long term partner, and only other long term one I’ve had, who I was with for 15 months between the ages of 26 and 27, never inspired in me, or us, to have a song that meant something deeper. That’s not to say we didn’t enjoy music together, we did, but the real reasons why we didn’t I could more than likely write a novel about, but let’s not get into that.
But there’s another part that music plays in relationships, or should I say in the ending of them, or at the very least helping people through the tough times that always follow the ending of love, or what we tried so hard to make love.
Often these break-up songs can mean even more to us than the ones that we loved during the relationship, because more than likely, well after the fact, you’ll still hear that song and still hold them close to you as meaningful for helping you get through the tough times, unlike the songs that you loved during the relationship, as they can now seem only very distantly connected to that relationship when you hear them.
Every relationship is different though, and often you’ll have different songs for different break-ups. Why is this? Well, like I said just before, often these break-up songs hold more power than the ones during the relationship, and because of this, that song will forever be connected to that one relationship coming to an end and will hold truer to the inner self, just like you would be very ill-advised to share the same love songs with different partners.
Not only are there different songs for different relationships, you might even find there are different songs for the different stages of the break-up. This is only natural of course, as every time you go through pain, and because as humans we are pretty predictable creatures, we tend to follow similar emotional paths.
Right at the beginning it’s very raw, and so the song might be more heartfelt with lyrical elements of getting back together. Mid-way through the break-up the songs might be more aggressive, as the initial pain could be replaced with stronger emotions, though not necessarily in a negative way. And then there are those songs that might signify the coming to terms with the ending of the relationship, which might well be more reflective on what was good and bad about it, and the acceptance of what will be will be.
So my thoughts along this matter are brought to my particular break-up songs for my only two long term and serious enough relationships to warrant a song or three. And like I stated above, my first major break-up did follow the stock standard stages that were represented by different songs that evoked different emotions. So much so, they are almost cringe worthy as the lyrics and the meanings behind the songs are so on the nose.